Psalm 119:71 “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”
Among the greatest lessons I have come to know in CHRIST, is what it truly means to find strength in HIM. HE has taught me strength is found greater in tears, in weeping, in the not running from the fear of the pain, and just allowing yourself to feel, to weep, to let the grief pour forth from the brokenness, the longing, the despair... and to rest on the promises of HIS WORD and KNOW because of who HE IS and how far HE has allowed me to go, I CAN TRUST HIM, I CAN BELIEVE HIM, and I hang on every word, for HE does not lie, and HE IS FAITHFUL.
There are times when moving forward has seemed so painful, that the two Greatest Commandments have been the only two paddles that row me from the sorrowful seas back to the dry shore. HE amazes me, that HE would use the past which hurt too much, to keep me from looking back, so there could ONLY be to move forward, forcing me to keep pressing on because there was absolutely no turning back (LOVE ME, LOVE OTHERS... OBEY MY COMMANDS). There have been times where loving self, and godly contentment has been too hard and grief, loneliness, heart-ache and longing have been so heavy, that the only way I could keep pressing forward was to deny self (forget I existed) so the pain would go un-felt (non-existent), and like two feet, LOVE GOD (one step forward) and LOVE OTHERS (next step forward)- repeat, repeat, repeat, have been the only way I could make any progress.... until the HOLY SPIRIT finally comes to carry me away, once I am utterly so defeated from all the tears and wrestling with myself, that I can FULLY just REST in TRUSTING HIM.
I thank the LORD JESUS CHRIST for it is by HIS LOVING MERCY and GRACE that I have been defeated.